journal no. 007 : reflections on the last decade
I turned 30 this summer and it was nothing short of a mindfuck. I spent my 29th year equaling reveling in my youth, and drowning in the anxiety of getting older. The reality is though, I didn’t wake up on my 30th birthday feeling any different than the day before. I have a newfound comfortability with my age and I want to take everything I’ve learned in my 20s and use it towards becoming a better version of myself in my 30s. I think one of the anxieties my generation has is feeling like you have to have everything “figured out” by 30, but the truth is, nobody has it figured out — we’re all just trying to do better than we did yesterday. These are some of the lessons I’ve learned in my 20s that I believe everyone can use on their own growth journeys.
embrace cringe
A quality I really admire about my younger self is that I wasn’t afraid to put myself out there—creatively, socially, professionally—even if it was really cringey. I mean, I was a self-proclaimed popstar for 5 years of my life and nobody could tell me otherwise. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more self aware (a good thing) and a bit more self conscious (a bad thing). I’m trying to remind myself in this next decade that self consciousness is the enemy of art, you can’t create anything good with the fear of failure in your mind. Not everything you do is going to be perfect, no matter how hard you try, because perfection doesn’t exist. It’s impossible to move throughout life without doing something cringey, so you might as well embrace imperfection.
appreciate your body
Nothing prepares you for how much your body changes as you reach the end of your 20s. Hangovers are harder, energy levels are not quite as high as they used to be, and exercising moderation in all things really makes a difference in your day-to-day health. I’ve learned to find the joy in taking care of myself, making nourishing meals, exercising with purpose, and cutting back on my alcohol consumption. On the days where I’m feeling particularly critical of my body image, I tell myself to be appreciative of my body’s strength. The healthiest version of myself doesn’t look like an idealized version of the male form, and that realization serves as the focal point to my health and fitness goals.
be your own problem solver
One of the gifts of aging is having a lot more experience navigating life and its many ups and downs — experience you can use to solve new problems. While it’s certainly easier to rely on others to take the lead or provide advice, there is something so gratifying about taking control of a situation and solving it your own way. It’s taken me a long time to acknowledge my capabilities in some areas of life (and in some situations, people pointed out my capabilities), but now I’m less afraid of exploring the unknown.
feel everything
Connecting with your emotions is a skill nobody teaches you in school, and I’ve had to unlearn a lot because I grew up (like many) in an environment of toxic positivity. Allowing yourself to feel everything allows yourself to let go of anything that doesn’t serve you, bad feelings included. Sometimes this is as simple as recognizing you’re having a shitty day, taking a deep breath, and letting the emotion pass through you. Coming to terms with the reality that you will experience negative emotions throughout your lifetime liberates you from the expectation that you should be happy every moment of the day.
be confident in what you know, and curious about what you don’t
While my formal education ended years ago, every day holds opportunities to learn something new. I love listening to podcasts while doing chores, reading news articles, traveling, using Duolingo, and watching YouTube videos more than I ever did before. There’s a lot of pressure to just “know” things as you get older, but I feel like I’m only just getting started on educating myself about the world. Staying curious about what you don’t know keeps you open-minded to new ways of thinking.
