the power of saying ‘no’
One of my biggest fears is letting people down. Maybe it’s because I’m a Pisces moon or raised to be an extra sensitive Millennial, but the thought of someone being mad at or disappointed in me keeps me up at night. And the thing is, I know I’ve let people down through no conscious effort of my own, so there really is no logical reasoning to this fear.
A huge lesson I’ve learned over the years is that you absolutely have to set boundaries for yourself—in every aspect of life. You have to protect your own time and energy otherwise people can and will take advantage of it. Saying “no” is the strongest method in setting these boundaries, even if it isn’t always the easiest thing to say. Here are some of the thoughts I’ve kept in mind while learning to say “no.”
replace “yes” with “i’ll think about it”
If you’re unsure about a proposal, consider replying to someone with “I’ll think about it and get back to you.” This response gives you the time to consider what the ask is and puts the power in your hands to decide without feeling pressured to say “yes” on the spot. I can’t tell you how many times I used to say “yes” to plans without thinking through what my existing commitments were and then realizing I would have to go back and tell that person that something else has come up. When you do tell someone “I’ll think about it,” you need to take the ownership of following up with them in a timely manner—especially if you want to receive invitations from this person in the future.
understand that saying “no” isn’t always negative
The biggest realization for me about saying “no” is that it doesn’t always mean something negative. Drawing a line in the sand with people can pay off in establishing your autonomy and integrity. People will respect you more if you stand by a decision rooted in your values and will be less likely to come to you with trivial requests that expend your time. People appreciate honesty, and if “no” is your most honest answer, people will accept it more readily than a sheepish “maybe” or a fake “yes.”
prioritize your personal needs
The fact of the matter is, you can’t say “yes” to everything that comes your way or you’ll have absolutely no energy left to focus on yourself. You are the only person that can defend your mental and physical needs because you are the only one who knows them best. There is no shame in saying “no” to something if you aren’t feeling up to it. Your friends, family and coworkers deserve you at your best, and taking the time to rest and recharge is a surprisingly selfless action to take.
